Dear Just in ,
We remember when you were just a baby faced You Tuber & the biggest controversy you had to deal with was some 20 years old fan claiming you were her baby-daddy.Those were the good ol` days.
The shit getting weird
First there was romance with Selena Gomez,Which got odd real quick.What was supposed to be cute teenage romance became an incessant display of PDA that would make even Paris Hilton think ” Ewww,get a room.”We dnt know what you did to Selena but after you broke up a couple of years later,she had to check herself into rehab.She really hasnt been quite right since.This was also the time you started getting caught with drugs.Look,we’re sure a little ganja can take the edge off every now & then-Willie Nelson’s been doing it for about 2000 years-but mixing it with the class as is going to get you nowhere.look at Macaulay Culkin: He was a young superstar who got into drugs & we haven’t heard a peep out of him since 1994.
Fresh from your breakup and with nothing and nobody holding you back,you went on tour in the UK,which really brought out the best in you.After showing up over 2 hrs. late to your own concert,you started getting into fights & hurting abuses that were way over you IQ level.This strategy used to work for rockstar in the seventies,but they were geniuses.Watching you stumble around trying to remember the words to “Baby” made us nauseous.
Anyway,since the PR nightmare that followed wasnt enough,you decided to soldier on and set a record for the most negative press in a given year.You hocked spit on fans from balcony,pissed into a mop bucket that was a about six steps away from a restroom & even abandoned your pet monkey once you realized he wasn’t allowed to fly out of Germany.We are willing to forgive a lot , but discarding a pet like a tissue makes you an even bigger douchebag than piers morgan – a statement we never thought was possible.
You closed out 2013 by nailing a Brazilian prostitute who also turned out to be some sort of porn star.Actually,we feel for you there.After all your antics,no normal lady would love you for any reason other than your fame & money,a fact we’re sure you’re aware of what choice do you have other than to pay up and pray the prozzie keeps her yap shut? Still, you could’ve picked a classy escort like Eliott spitzer would have.Instead,you chose one that looks suspiciously like snooki from Jersey Shore.
We don’t know what cocktail of drug and alcohol you were on when you decided to go and get yourself arrested for driving under the influence,but the smug smile on your mugshot makes us believe you were on quite the bender.We have no idea what you’re going to do next,but here’s our advice:Forget the rest of world,put your head down and do what you love doing most-making music & dancing like a git.